Saturday, October 08, 2005
Over the last 2 years, blogging has evolved from an online diary to a fad/craze/in thing. In addition, blogging went one step further by offering people a fast track to becoming a celebrity. For example, Miss Xiaxue, Singapore's very first celebrity blogger seems to be getting sponsorship deals, media-related jobs/invites to parties, and has transformed her into a somewhat celebrity of her own.
What exactly makes these people so famous? What is it about their blogs that attract hordes of readers such their daily hits far exceeds the monthly hits of a normal blog like the Mingmongster?
Well, I have gone through some of these famous blogs and I think I know why my blog is not as popular.
These are the factors that contribute to a famous blog and you shall see why the Mingmongster is not celebrity blog material.....
Rule #1 : Post lots of pictures, and master the Photoshopping Skill.
If you take a look at Xiaxue, you will find a multitude of pictures. Approximately half of her entries are littered with pictures. Most of which are naturally of herself. Narcissitic you might say? Maybe. But it allows readers to know who the protagonist actually is. However, it is useless to just put up pictures of yourself because a whole lot of people do that too. So what would distinguish yourself and enhance your pictures (and possibly your face) is to be an expert in Photoshop.
This poses another question. If you are an expert at Photoshop, your pictures might not be a true reflection of yourself, which contradicts the point about how readers like to know who the writer is.
Aha! Now this is the tricky part. Now your readers will start wondering (for example), if Xiaxue as hot as she looks on her blog? Or...Are Xiaxue's boobs as big as they look on her blog? This would certainly cause readers to make return visits to your blog in hope of satisfying their curiosity by waiting for you to post a real, unedited picture of yourself.
Then this poses another question. What happens then if you post a real unedited picture of yourself? Wouldn't your readers finally satisfy their curiosity and stop coming back to your blog? Now comes the ultimate secret to keeping your readers forever: Post some edited, ugly pictures of yourself! How would this help you might ask? Well, firstly, your readers would see a hideously ugly picture of yourself, but they know you have edited it with your exemptional Photoshop skills. Then one fine day when you decide to post a real, unedited picture of yourself, your readers would not be able to identify whether that is an unedited picture or not. They might probably think (for example), "Oh, its another one of those edited to be ugly picture of Xiaxue again. Boy this time its really Fugly. Man, she's good with Photoshop!" when in actual fact its her real picture. So this goes on and on, and readers will keep coming back to your blog.
But then again, there is a flaw to this tactic. You must not be seen in public. However, Xiaxue has masterfully provided an answer to this loophole. In her recent 24 Sept post "My make up secrets revealed", we discover that she has mastered the penultimate level of the Photoshopping Skill: Make Up. This allows her to Photoshop her real face so that even when she goes out, her readers will still be mystified by her looks and still not know how she looks au naturel.
If one day she learns Sun Wu Kong's 七十而变化 （don't know why the chinese characters don't seem to come out properly but this is qi1 shi2 er4 bian4 hua4), then she can 称霸武陵 (cheng1 ba4 wu3 ling2).
Well, I think I have posted a substantial amount of photos since I started blogging, but then, I have failed to master even Level 1 of the Photoshopping Skill. But then, I have always posted real pictures of myself. People get bored looking at it after a while. Therefore, I shall model my blog after the genius Xiaxue and edit my pictures too!
Although I cannot get Xiaxue the Photoshop 神 (shen) to be my 师父 (shi fu), but I shall not be disheartened...because I once heard a saying...by a chubby dude...who can't drive for nuts...
"其实神也是人。但他做了一些人做不到的事，才会称为神。“
(qi shi shen ye shi ren. dan shi ta zhuo le yi xie ren zhuo bu dao de shi, cai hui cheng wei shen)
Thus, I decided I could also learn her skills myself too! I figured, maybe with some makeup on, I could probably get that aura of mystery too...
Wonder if this will work....
Rule #2: Look irresistably hot/pretty/sexy/gorgeous
Another famous blog that I have come across would be that of Daphne Teo. She also has loads of pictures on her blog, but they are not photoshopped at all. How come this works for her? Well, the answer is obvious...she's too good looking to need any editing. Readers (guys who fantasize about her, and girls who just admire her) will keep coming back to check out her latest pics.
Even Xiaxue has hot pics of herself too! (Sorry XX, ripped w/o permission)
This guess proves why my blog isn't such a hit.
But then...I guess I can't improve on this aspect much since you have to be born with it...can't really expect popularity to come with pictures like this....
But then, I have to try...
I am comforted by the story of the ugly duckling...and the frog prince...and those movies where an ugly girl eventually becomes the prom queen...and Extreme makeover...
I can be hot too!!!!!
(thanks to a highly skilled photoshopper: my sis...I can also be hot!)
Rule #3: Show off your pretty clothes and shoes and bags etc etc
In addition to her beauty, Daphne's wealth helps in the popularity too. Girls probably just dig her clothes, accessories, bags, shoes, blah blah blah. She regularly goes shopping and displays her new buys on her blog...definitely to the envy of those who don't have such a deep pocket..
Unfortunately for me, I have no fashion tips to offer nor pretty clothes to share with everyone...
I prefer dress more casually...
Rule #4: Be as vulgar as possible.
Currently, my favourite read is Rockson's blog. This dude if bloody funny. And bloody vulgar. I figured that it was the way he writes that makes his entries so entertaining. The distinguishing factor about his writing style is his offensively vulgar critiques. However, if you were to read carefully, you would realise that it is actually some really intelligent banter and political satire, barring the profanities of every different dialect found after every 5 words on average and leaving no part of the human anatomy unmentioned.
This made me wonder...if I were to add in such profane expletives into my posts, would it also get me more readers?
Just compare the following...
Rockson wrote (lifted from his latest post):
"He also very excited when he call me. He said gahmen going to pump $160 million to make his Aljunied (he live in Simei) become more solid. I say him he is like pregnant woman who forget how pain the baby last time make her cheebye, and now want to seh baby again.
Everytime got election, gahmen like to give us many goodie, like neh neh for us to suck. Singapore share (is like Indon gahmen give rupiah to the village to vote them), upgrading the flat (because last time they too ngeow never install the lift), plus promise this and promise that. Hope that people smell the cheebye already will forget the bad thing in the last four year.
More Simi Lan Cheow Good Year."
If I were to write something like that...it would probably turn out something like this...
Mingmong wrote:
"He sounded exhilarated when he called me. He said that the government has decided to invest $160 million to upgrade Aljunied (but I could not comprehend why he was in such an ecstatic mood because he lives in Simei). I kindly reminded him of the old saying 'once bitten, twice shy' as I felt that he should not forget what happened in the past and fall into the same trap again.
Each time there is an election, the government would offer us many perquisites. For example, the Singapore shares (some would argue it is similar to the way the Indonesian government paid villagers to vote for them), HDB upgrading (which was delayed due to insufficient funds), and many other promises. All these in hope that people would recognise the incumbent government's competence and vote them in again.
The best is yet to come."
Now, I believe everyone would have fallen asleep reading the 2nd passage. Whereas Rockson keeps you constantly entertained, or keeps you constantly cringing with every penis he mentions.
Therefore, I think its time I changed the way I write!
But, I wouldn't want to copy Rockson's dialect-styled writings. I shall have mine in English only, which would draw more readers since I would cater to readers from abroad also who do not understand our Singlish.
Fuck.
I can't do it. I can't bring myself to publish a paragraph of obscenities.
Sigh...
What's that you say?
Why? You think I am a pussy?
Penis understand!
Ok...that's too much for me..
I think I shall just remain as the simple ole Mingmong...
Don't yearn to be a famous blogger. Just in case I end up famous on the newspapers and join the other 2 in jail tomorrow.
I guess I should just be original and not try to copy what the successful bloggers have done and model my blog after them, nor my pictures.......
